One month and one week ago we saw a house we loved. Just days before we walked through, I announced I’d lost faith in the whole process, having seen a having seen a lot of grim homes in need of major work for prices that were not impressive, given their condition. We joked and apologized to our realtor for our champagne taste on a beer budget. We went to see this house and all three of us loved it. It went on the market on Friday, we saw it on Saturday, made an offer on Sunday and found out it was accepted on Monday. Chris called and said, are you sitting down? I’d written a letter to the owners telling them why we loved this place, speaking to the difference between house and home, describing how we’d care for the gardens. Some weeks later I found out the owner had taken yoga classes from me years ago and knew who I was. We were completely in shock, and this changed everything- imagining ourselves welcoming a baby in a palatial space with a guest room for all of our out of town family.
We spent a month in a maelstrom of paper that is the enveloping anxious bubble of a mortgage application, and finally exhaled when approved, toasting dad and Pam over Skype. I felt a visceral sense of relief when we found out; huge thrill rippling through my body.
In one month against the backdrop of busy work for both of us and the application process, there is late pregnancy: finally giving in to waddling and moving slowly and not sleeping all that well most nights: reflux, sore belly, sore ligaments. I love that I am carrying around my boy curled up like a little hedgehog in there, and I can feel his bum and feet and am glad he’s in a good position for labor. Also, it is heavy and taxing and I get winded walking up stairs. We’ve had three prenatal meetings with our doula, a hugely scary traumatic incident with our dog now resolved, and now an impending move. There are pregnancy photos to take, my studio to clean, flyers to make for a summer session I’ve put together and the need to find someone to share use of my studio. I must get my car inspected and interview pediatricians, and make an appointment to get new glasses and contacts. And pack and move and work. At the same time, I know I’d like to reserve and conserve strength for labor, so hopefully baby doesn’t come early and I have two weeks to hibernate a bit. My to-do list is slowly shrinking. We barely have time or capacity to plan meals or cook so we’ve been trying this delivery out. I’m not surprised that Chris and I have been bickering more than usual and having to make many decisions together about how to care for our dog and how to execute a time sensitive move, closing on our house two weeks before my due date- all of this surely preparing us for parenthood. Luckily we keep rediscovering our equilibrium on a daily basis. We laugh a lot, we always have. I am completely impressed at how much our relationship withstands.
I’m already nostalgic for our yard and home here, for the giant garden space I had and the little vignettes inside and the town woodland behind the yard I walk on a daily basis. This home was exactly what I wanted nearly three years ago. It took some convincing to Chris because it’s small inside, but we landed here and flourished and now we’ve outgrown it and the time has come to make a new nest.
We love our doula, and have switched to a midwife to ensure a water birth, and our dog is ok. Spring appeared slowly but is here now and our CSA will be starting soon and gifts for the baby off my registry come in the mail so it feels like Christmas every day and today is the day of my blessing ceremony. As dark as the winter was, this time is just as light and buoyant and happy, and my baby is a sweet peaceful boy inside me still.